THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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