i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
