I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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