i jhust puked up my retainher.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
