I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
