he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
