I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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