So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
