Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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