Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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