Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
