Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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