She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
