She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
