would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
