We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
