just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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