my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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