i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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