; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
ttyl tear gas
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
