"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
