O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
