After last night, I could never be a politician.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think a kid would responsible me up
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
