I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
