Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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