so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
