Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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