My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
