Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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