Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
