She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
