Duck Duck Cougar?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
