love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
