sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
did you just send me my own nude
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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