Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
