Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
