Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This girl is more easily done than said...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
