He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
