make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
