sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
