Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
