Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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