If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
