Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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