No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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