Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
