like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
