Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
