I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
