is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just google imaged poop.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
