Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
