is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
